a cookie conundrum
Oh my stars, food is so messy and full of feelings sometimes, right? This post is kind of about cookies but it’s also kind of about coming out of challenging times and not the best habits and it’s also kind of about being stuck in a rut.
We’re having a weird health fall/winter. Obviously, I’m not going to go too deep and no one is in imminent danger and we’re all ok - but some of us are having to focus more on how much sugar and carbs we are having and some of us are having to think more about fiber and movement. And, as our resident anxious worrying overthinker, I’m trying to make a plan, haha!
Added on to that is we are in this transitional year for Christmas and New Year’s where we are reimagining so much of how we do holidays together after losing my mom - the possibilities are endless, which is exciting and hard and weird. When so much has changed, what we hold on to are these traditions that remain and, for us, that’s our Christmas desserts.
We are a cookie family, especially this time of year. We make cookie boxes for friends. Everyone gets their favorite cookie for Christmas Eve dessert through school vacation snacking (and sometimes breakfast!). Food is intrinsically tied to our traditions - and that’s ok! It’s fun to have special treats at certain times of year that remind of us those we love and times we miss.
But, we’ve also spent the last few years face deep in feelings and cookies, which isn’t how or who we want to be. It reminds me of the 2nd year of the pandemic when we had to have a family meeting to make pizza special again because we were just having it too much (there was a whole strategy of where we ordered it from on which day, haha).
At first, I’ve was recipe comparing to see if I could adapt our favorites or find new exciting cookies to make (so risky!), but none of that felt right. I don’t want this to be the Christmas Lil Momma remembers because we “quit” fun desserts. That just feels so very wrong. It’s ok to have special specific things during special times!
You know what, Lindsey, this really speaks to me. First of all, I'm so sorry because it must be hard without your mom. Before we moved, I was having what can only be described as a weird anticipation of grief about moving. The kids would be leaving school, I wouldn't be teaching yoga, and all I could think of is what I would do about Christmas baking. Because I did so much baking and chocolate treat-making, and then I would gift so much of it. It was such a big part of the holidays! But making that volume of treats for only our family is just not tenable. This year I scaled way back, I made gingersnaps and gave a bunch to my SIL, and sent some to the dorms with my son, I made gingerbread men, and today I'm making a half batch of sugar cookies, as we are having a party on Saturday. Those things plus some chocolate bark, and that's it. No truffles, etc., no huge volumes. It felt really weird but I asked the guys for one favourite each, and made those, and then I was done.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing I was really sad about when moving is that my mom always makes Yule log cake for dessert on Christmas. Among other things, I am now in charge of 50% of Christmas dinner, and after a lifetime of being in charge of 0%, this was an adjustment. Last year I felt very very very sorry for myself. And then my husband made a Yule log cake! It wasn't exactly the same but it was delicious. This year is the same in terms of meal prep - and he's making the cake again - but I don't feel so put upon. It feels nice, actually. I guess I just needed time to adjust.
I'm sorry that I can't remember when you lost your mom- is this the first Christmas without her? My mom has been gone for 13 years, and I still miss her. Holidays can be especially hard. But yes- you need cookies! Unless the health problems are severe, I don't think half batches of cookies will hurt anyone. Christmas is the time for treats- you can cut way back on cookies and sweets after the holiday, if necessary. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing what you made!
ReplyDeleteI've only mailed out four cards so far. Oops. I'll get there.
That sounds like the perfect plan <3 Sending you so much love as you go through the holiday without your mom.
ReplyDeleteAgreed that balance in EVERYTHING is so, so hard. I also think there are some seasons where we have to prioritize things. For example, the pandemic was a perfectly logical time to order pizza daily. That's behind you and there will be another season that doesn't feel quite so hard <3 Thinking of you this Christmas.
ReplyDeleteI always get a bit panicked mid-way through the Christmas Break because I have eaten so many rich foods and generally haven't exercised a lot. My husband and I just joined a gym, but because it's in a public rec facility that is shut down over the holidays, we can't access it for almost 2 weeks. Wahhh. At the one time I REALLY need to move my body.
Can't wait to see what you submit to Suzanne. It's going to be so very fun!