not necessarily in this order

Random recent thoughts and happenings…   Lil Momma is finishing out her 2024 recital/show/competition year with  back to back weekends of recitals . First up, we had a Christmas Parade that her dance school walks in followed by a dance showcase the competition teams perform in. The parade was FRIGID; last year we were in hoodies and this year one of the moms was handing out hand warmers like they were candy. I couldn’t walk with the group because of my ankle, so I saw the parade for the first time (aka I hung with the dads). After, we had an hour or so to do hair and makeup and then lined up for their dance showcase which was themed around  National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation . It was so fun and cute! Lil Momma was in a hip hop dance with songs themed around money (the Mr. made the mix!) which entered the story when Clark Griswold was talking about his bonus and getting a pool. Her jazz dance was to  Mele Kalikimaka (Marry Christmas)  and LM was front and...

We really did have a great time in NH. We did everything on our list: We saw waterfalls! We went on rides! We went out to breakfast! But, as a lot of things do right now, the whole thing felt so shaky and precarious. We are in one of those weird seasons where everything feels so wrought with meaning because it’s all the firsts – our first NH vacation where we didn’t have to wait for a call about my mom or have me on the phone with an ER or nurse. It puts a weird “supposed to” energy on things because we no longer have this elephant in the room, but we also are still finding our balance in this next part of life. So, when the boarding place called to say Bella might have a UTI but they weren’t worried about it, it was like muscle memory to start worrying.    <<this part isn’t too graphic, but it just talks about pet ick a bit, so SKIP THIS NEXT PARAGRAGH if you need to, but know Bella was sicker than a “don’t worry about it”, sigh.    A few months ago, Bella had...

Maybe I should have called this “Dancing Uphill” as my life is revolving around these weekend dance competitions right now, haha! A few thoughts from lately:   Lil Momma had an amazing first dance comp of the year 2 weekends ago. Her first-ever duo got one of the special judges’ awards for storytelling and they placed in their category, her hip hop dance placed in its category, jazz was adorable, and she had a wonderful time running around with her friends. Bonus, all of her dances were done in ONE HOUR. Of course, we did hang out for SEVEN HOURS to see awards (not to mention driving down the day before and having a parking nightmare from the comp and a college graduation making spots impossible – I had to drop LM off, watch her go in, and then drive to a parking garage and power walk uphill 15 minutes to get back to her), but it was all worth it to see her having a nice little moment.   Last weekend’s comp was a bit oof, to be honest. We stayed overnight at a hotel, which was...

The day there was an earthquake and we go see Moana    6:54 : Wake up with a start and then remember I don’t have to rush today. Consider going back to sleep but then LM comes out of her room.   7:05 : After a cuddle with LM, put on some work from home clothes (t-shirt, hoodie, leggings), go to the bathroom, put in my contacts, deodorant, moisturize, and head downstairs.   7:15 : Yay, coffee! Try to pump LM up for the second day of state testing (forgetting she has 3 sets of it this year, so we have to do this 2 more times)   7:45 : Head upstairs to start working; notice that it’s sunny (!!!) and use that as the lead-in to my daily hello to my team.   9:10 : Go downstairs to say hello to Bella and the Mr. Make my smoothie.   9:20 : Back up to keep working on some slides.   10:02 : Go lay dramatically in my bed to mentally prepare for my meetings.   10:XX : The bed starts shaking back and forth. I call down to the Mr. and downstairs is slightl...

  To kick things off, a win for Lil Momma who conquered her nerves and sang her solo and duet verses so well at her musical theater school’s holiday concert! There was a lot of drama leading up to it: She got herself sent home from school on Friday, we discovered the white sweater we had bought would make her melt because of how hot it was onstage and had to do a desperation shopping trip the morning of the concert, her coming clean about both being nervous and incredibly, vividly sad that her Nana wouldn’t see her sing  ❤  but,  we rallied ! Her replacement outfit looked adorable and we drew blue hearts on our wrists (in honor of her Nana’s blue eyes) before we left.  She was just fearless up there and did such a great job  with her song – both a confidence booster and an emotional win for this bumpy holiday season we’re having.    I also came home to a  surprise from Kathrin  ( formerly blogging at  coellefornia.us , which I use...

Our Thanksgiving was the quiet and weird one we figured it would be. Lil Momma asked for a pajama day and we leaned into that vibe:    Don’t want to start cooking until after we watch the parade?  Sure!   Having trouble timing the rolls with the turkey being done?  Rolls are the appetizer course!   Apple dessert not made yet?  Dessert will be dinner!   I had missed my usual “carbs are the priority” test bake weekend, so all of the baking was an “on the day” risk – but, we were ready for it!   LM had asked for “ homemade Bertucci’s rolls to dip in olive oil with parmesan ” as her one meal request. Now, I have made dinner rolls, but I haven’t made Italian ones before. I found  this recipe  and did my best to time it out. Making the “biga” 12-24 hours ahead went well (don’t ask me about the 2 forgotten bigas from the tests that never happened, haha, but please don’t), but I ran into some trouble with not knowing how long the first and ...

First off, this is a sad one. If you're not in a place for a sad one, please skip and protect your peace. I'll get back to other topics soon. It's hard to talk about the last week, but it's also hard to talk about the last month or six months or 4 years. Balancing being an only child caretaker for my sweet mom with being a mom and a worker and a partner and a person has often felt impossible and that the things I was letting drop or fall to the side very much outnumbered the things I was keeping going or even doing well (or well-enough to get by).  Dementia is a cruel disease and we have watched my mother disappear in bits and pieces, losing her independence, her memories, and control. I am incredibly grateful that my daughter had a few years of magic with her beloved Nana, but also heartbroken that LM had to watch this deterioration happen. I always tell her that "fair" is a social construct, but she is 100% valid in saying that this just isn't fair. Sinc...

  Things went downhill for my poor mom last week; a fall put her back in the hospital and then COVID came into play on her already fragile system. It’s been a weekend of hard decisions, more phone conversations than I usually make in a month (so many of her friends only have landlines), and bouncing between holding her hand while I can and coming home to help Lil Momma navigate this transition.  Sitting on my deck and looking at the trees and leaves and stars, I know this is just a moment, a season, and one you have to get through to get through.  Comments and posts may be quiet for a bit - but, having the plethora of #NaBloPoMo posts has been a gift in the quiet moments. I’m out here reading and grateful for the reads.  Stay well and talk soon ❤️