not necessarily in this order

  Lil Momma and the Mr. are visiting family down south this week and I’ve been on my own with Bella, our dog. To be clear, they didn’t ditch me!! I’m just not walking fast or far enough for it not to be a drag or a liability on that type of vacation.   To be honest, LM and I were both a little shook - we’ve never been apart this long!! It’s one of those times I’m glad she has a way to text me and we got to talk each night about her adventures (which included dip dyeing the bottom 6 inches of her hair purple - an early birthday present!). In honor of my week here at the house by myself, here are 5 random Friday thoughts about being alone: One : I realized that I’m very rarely alone in a situation where I can just be. I’m alone in my car on my ride to work or driving back from dropping LM off somewhere, but this week was different because I could just exist in this space and be.  Two : Back when the Mr. traveled for work and LM was a baby on steroids who never slept, I alwa...

  42 days post-surgery. Crutches and shower stools and scars and swelling. A house I never lived in but somehow own went on the market, got oh so many offers, and hopefully closes on Thursday. A too-soon return to work (leading to a chest cold and exhaustion) and an immediate organizational change and so much stress and feelings. 3 dance competitions that involved a knee scooter, a wheelchair, hotels. tears of joy and sadness from Lil Momma, and way too much takeout. A cold and a pinched sciatic nerve. I thought I'd write more during this time, but I've been stuck. Stuck in a chair, stuck in my head, stuck in this moment. This is a big week: follow-up at the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow where I hopefully get cleared for the next part of this and then  start PT and close on my aunt's house on the same day later in the week.  I'm taking both of those happening on the same day as a sign from the Universe that it's time to start moving on and into what is next.  Wow, tha...

  Thanks for everyone’s kind comments last week! I ended up calling my PCP to get a PT order, but can’t get a PT appointment until September, sigh. Until then, I’m going some mobility exercises I found online and am slowly easing back into cardio; “team turtle” over here!     Last week wasn’t the week for the dare and that’s ok. My mind has been spinning from work and Lil Momma’s show (which was so much fun - I just love  Newsies !). On top of the busyness, I haven’t been sleeping because we’ve had this whole fire alarm thing happening. At first we thought it just needed a new battery, but the low battery warning kept going off two hours earlier than it had the day before. Suffice it to say, the 7am wasn’t bad but the 5am and 3am the last few days ended with us replacing the alarms (luckily, they were easy to switch out even though they’re hardwired in)!  This week’s dare is super spicy for me, but kind of perfect:  I’m going to delete social media apps off...

  I’ve been slowly getting adjusted to walking boot life over here. Doing errands is a pain with the boot off to drive and on to walk and off to drive and then on again, but I’m selectively making my way through things. I miss taking walks and just running down the stairs, but could be so much worse.  I’ve been reading a ton - look for a round up later this week! - and I’ve also been thinking a lot in this still time that I have.  I think mid- year is the perfect time to try out some new things and shake off some of this heaviness I’ve been carrying with me. So, what I’m going to do some weeks is give myself a personal dare to take one week and have of go at a habit or routine change or a task I’ve been avoiding and just see what that might bring to my life.  One week is doable if it’s not working, but as long enough to give something a good try.  For the first one, I have the habit of waking up and picking up my phone to scroll almost immediately . It’s a horr...

  “Playing  Disco Elysium  I’ve been thinking more and more about who I am, or the pieces and parts that combine into what I and others think of me. The protagonist screams, “I DON’T WANT TO BE THIS KIND OF ANIMAL“ which begs the question of the player: What kind of animal are you?” From “This Kind of Animal” by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah in Critical Hits: Writers Playing Video Games   I’ve have a bit of a swirly week. I got a thought in my head about a possible medical diagnosis over the weekend. Actually, Dr. Google got a thought in my head about a possible medical diagnosis over the weekend. (Mind you, I’ve since been to the doctor and l, big surprise, am not afflicted with said diagnosis. I believe the doctor’s reaction was “Why would you go THERE?!?”) I spent the whole week thinking about how I would have to change my life - literally how I approach everything - to deal with this diagnosis.   What I do when I wake up, what I eat, how I spend my time, how I mo...

Trying for a bit of consistency with cumulative goals and some “figures” fun… These won’t be as long in the future – we all know I love context HAHA!   After such a difficult 2023, I decided to lean into the  transitionality  of this year and identify some areas of focus I’d like to work on and a handful of habits I’d like to “add up” some consistency in:   Areas of Focus:   1.     Treat myself like a person . Something  Nicole  said in a comment a bit back about getting ready even on days she doesn’t have plans really landed with me.  Sometimes, I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize myself  ( and some of those mirrors are at work or out and about, oof! ). My clothes are desperation purchases instead of choices, my hair is wild-in-a-giving-up-way instead of wild-in-a-curly-hair-way, my former lots of skincare, minimal makeup routine has become barely skincare and desperation lip gloss at work (and don’t get me started on m...

Here’s the thing : You do a challenge in a wildly busy month where you plan to cut your screentime ( aka your doomscrolling distraction ) by a significant amount because you spend a significant amount of time on your smartphone.   What you expected :  For it to be  hard , of course. Distraction habits run deep and there’s a reason it’s so engrained in your life.  But, also for it to be  funny . I mean, it’s JUST A SCREEN. It’s almost farcical that a screen eats up so much time when there’s so much to be done. There has to be comedy in this – slapping my own hand when I reach for my phone, tossing it across the room when I realize I’m scrolling, meeting up in real life with long lost friends I’ve only been in a like/double tap/random comment status with for years… Insert a wild montage of you getting all-the-things done with all this free time that you found…   Here’s what really happened :  You figure out  you use your phone when you’re nervous ...

The pollen knocked me out.  The pollen won . No mix of medicine or magical thinking could keep me breathing normal, not with softball 3 nights this week next to the woods and new deck furniture to “enjoy” with its dusting of green ick. But the accompanying sinus infection sure dragged me down. Such bad timing as we’re well into the wild recital /competition / Lil Momma’s packed calendar season, but I’m trying to rally ( this family is being held up by my one coffee a day and eight billion reminders I have across multiple media all over our house haha )! My screen-time experiment has been wild . I’ve felt lonely, I’ve felt overwhelmed, I’ve felt like I obviously reach for my phone when I’m bored or avoiding things… But, I also use the camera on my phone for so much ( part of my aphantasia ), as well as the notes for bits of ideas and reminders, texts to keep connected and mom-group meme it up… Hopefully, the second half of the month helps me use my time in the way I want.  My n...

 I  often find myself landing on the refrain  “… but, I have no time !”  We are in a season where everything feels rushed ( LM has 5+ afterschool activities and 7 recitals over the next 8 weekends,  work is in peak period ridiculousness, my garden and the yard and the house….)   – BUT, I also see myself distracting myself from everything with   my stupid smartphone .   Having been through a tumultuous handful of years, I am all for getting through the worser times with the coping skills that cause the least harm; however, doomscrolling has become baked into my day to day and contributes to this rushed and desperate state I often find myself in.   As someone who walks through their life with anxiety, the  constant scroll  of social media, newsletters, and articles just feeds into the pace at which  my thoughts swirl . It’s also impacted my attention span: I don’t just doomscroll –  I watch tv AND doomscroll  (and have ...