not necessarily in this order

Rollercoaster of a week (“ it’s time for long(?) term hospice ” <insert so many sad phone calls> “ wait – it’s possibly been a misdiagnosis for the last 10+ years; not time for hospice and go find all new doctors to figure this out even if it might not change anything ” <insert so many awkward phone calls>).    It’s been a lot of phone calls and a lot of feelings and now more phone calls and more feelings haha sigh…   I was going to try and incorporate some of my lessons from  Atomic Habits  into this month (I even bought a habit tracker and fun pens!) (FUN PENS!!), but that all feels like a bit much for the moments I’m in. SO, instead I have a few  small focuses for myself.      3 Things I’m Doing for Myself in October   Walks . I know, so simple. But it’s been hard the past few months to do formal work outs and it’s been even harder to just go for a walk every day and take some time to get out (and out of my head!)…. So,...

  I should be giving an update on my “ 23 things I want to do in 2023 ” or my hike prep or recital season… but, instead I’m writing about how I’m both giving myself grace and refocusing some energies since it seems  this year (so far) has been more about surviving instead of thriving . I did a time tracking exercise for a couple weeks in June and I learned that while I am very good at prioritizing my family and taking care of my mother and doing my job, I  am very bad at holding time for me  to take care of myself, or do things for myself, or just sit with myself.  It’s not a surprise that I feel really burnt out – no,  I feel wrung out  - which is not how I want to move through this life or role model being a complex and messy and curious person for my daughter. This picture of Lil Momma’s tap shoe that broke the night before the recital seems quite apropos for some reason? So, on this first of the month and kickoff to the second half of the year, I a...

  1 this week was oof. Just hard and awful and messy and sad. My poor mom was back at the hospital and was moved to a rehab - not our worst loop with this, but still disruptive and a bummer. Worse was that one  of the younger students at Lil Momma’s school passed away at the start of the week and it’s been emotional and devastating and  still the last week of school with all the events and moments and things to do.  I’m  more than a little thrown - but, incredibly grateful for my little family and this life and each day (even the messy ones) 2 there’s no segue - not even going to try. I had one of those weeks at work where I literally messed up everything. I was covering for my boss and trying to be me and it was almost an out of body experience as I kept making mistakes.  What do a typo in an email I’d usually catch and accidentally telling an exec they were sabotaging my forum in front of 300 people have in common?  Well they’re two th...

moderate highs from a low week grilled cheese for dinner . that’s it. that’s the post.  Seriously, though, there’s something about a grilled cheese at the end of a long day that speaks to my heart. I worked full time at a Home Depot while I went to grad school full time in Boston* and my lunch break was driving to the mall up the street and getting the grilled cheese and fries of my dreams from the food court. Oh, to have that metabolism again haha! Poker Face . even if it’s on Peacock. We are one episode from the finale and it’s taken over our lives. I know I mentioned it before, but it just gets better and better. Stand-alone mysteries, Columbo-vibes, a season-long arc, snark as far as the eyes can see…  Only 1/3 of us got the stomach bug . *knocks on everything* Poor Lil Momma came down with the bug going around her class Tuesday night. Luckily, it was only 12 hours and I’m really good at working on no sleep. She watched Bluey from the couch for a whole day and then made h...

  the relief of putting your own mask on first As I've alluded to, I've spent the last few years taking care of my mom as she's navigated a lot of medical challenges. Being an only child caretaker on top of mom, partner, worker, and person is a lot. I feel like I spent much of the last two years frantically driving between my mom's house, the hospital, and one of Lil Momma's many activities having not eaten and without sufficient coffee and always feeling like I was watching one of the plates I was holding up crash down. When she would get sick, my little family would be thrown into chaos. I'd be back and forth to the hospital so my guy couldn't food shop; it would be desperation dinners for weeks . I'd live in a constant state of hanger and germaphobia. The only walks I took were from the terrifying ON THE STREET parking spot* 2 roads down from the hospital. And repeat every 6 weeks. Her moving into assisted living has alleviated so much of all this and...