not necessarily in this order

 One year ago today, I published my first post here.  In retrospect, it seems wild that I started this space because I thought my life had calmed down enough to give me time to think and write and be creative. Oh, past Lindsay, little did you know! It’s obviously been a hard year and a harder last few months, but I think my biggest lesson of it all that having something solely for me, a place to get back to writing, and wonderful friends out there in the interwebs who I get to chat with in the comments really was such a perfect gift for the year I got to live (the good and the oof). In looking back on the year, it’s hard not to just see what I didn’t get done… But, there were also moments of joy and adventures and good bakes and watches and listens ( at some point, I need to write about my Doctor Who 60th Annviersary Specials feelings!! ), as well as parenting conundrums, Lil Momma mischief, and all the day to day stuff, too   To stay in that vein, here are a few scenes f...

  Things went downhill for my poor mom last week; a fall put her back in the hospital and then COVID came into play on her already fragile system. It’s been a weekend of hard decisions, more phone conversations than I usually make in a month (so many of her friends only have landlines), and bouncing between holding her hand while I can and coming home to help Lil Momma navigate this transition.  Sitting on my deck and looking at the trees and leaves and stars, I know this is just a moment, a season, and one you have to get through to get through.  Comments and posts may be quiet for a bit - but, having the plethora of #NaBloPoMo posts has been a gift in the quiet moments. I’m out here reading and grateful for the reads.  Stay well and talk soon ❤️

  This week is not weeking that way I had hoped to week, but I’m seeing this as a way to get some of the noise out of my head!   One  I don’t love cake. There. I said it.  I DON’T LOVE CAKE ! It’s too sweet and frosting is mushy and there’s nothing to crunch on. Please don’t tell Lil Momma.   Two  I love a  walk in the cold, crisp air . It’s bracing and I need to be braced sometimes! It takes my breath away and opens my eyes and makes me feel so present. Three  The rebellious joy I get from  DNF-ing books that aren’t serving me  is one of the highlights of my year. Not forcing myself to finish (after a lifetime of trudging through books just to finish them) has reignited my love of reading.   Four  Sometimes when I’m running errands, I  buy myself a little snack and sit in my car in the parking lot and read blogs and listen to my favorite songs  and those are some of the times I feel most like myself.   Five ...

  Supporting my #NaBloPoMo friends! We made it through a Thursday without a fractured bone or an urgent care sick visit, so already a better Thursday than the last 2! Lil Momma has 15 days left in the wrist cast. As expected,  she’s adapted well and navigated the first half like a rockstar. Many friends have signed it - gold and silver Sharpies for the win! - and she draws little pictures on it in her downtime. Thus far, she’s survived her Matilda Jr. audition, multiple quizzes and tests, dance classes, Halloween, and multiple rainy days and we have high hopes for the latter half.  In the bummers column, showering is a family event as she doesn’t have the arm strength to hold it up for the time and we don’t trust the plastic wrap + plastic bag we have going in. I have to do her hair every day and our bicker about her love of  “founding father” styles ponytail vs. the high on the head, bouncy ones I tend to go for is getting intense. She misses recess and gym. I miss ...

After being an avid blog reader for years, what finally gave me the boost to start this wildly random space was last year’s #NaBloPoMo ( National Blog Posting Month  - see San’s amazing write up  here ). I  love the heartfelt posts, the random posts, the struggling for topics posts… November isn’t always the easiest month but having the content helps keep me content and I’m awed by the creativity and consistency these writers display day after day. Slowly, I  dared to start commenting after years and years as a lurker and then, mid-December, I went for it and started posting myself here.  For a year where I hoped to be steady , I’ve had more than a few wobbles. I know this isn’t my year to commit to the finish line, but I hope to comment as much as I can and write here when I can - consider it practice for next year? (possibly) (no promises)  Here’s nighttime Harold just for fun!

5 things I did for myself this week One  I made a phone call I’ve been dreading  Two  I bought new hair elastics for me and Lil Momma  Three  I found out my mom’s bank has a walk-in notary and solved a months long problem Four  I ate a real dinner on Thursday  Five  I picked up my holds from the library!! 2 bummers from this week One  Lil Momma got sent home with the “bug” on Thursday - poor kid is having an oof end to October Two  my Chromebook is still MIA, so blogging and commenting is extra challenging ( but hoping to keep searching during what will be a quiet weekend due to #1 ) 2 things I’m looking forward to  One Lil Momma is doing Matilda Jr in her musical theater class for the next 6 months and the cast list should be out this weekend! Two I’m trying 2 new mystery series and my holds came in And one bonus anecdote  I have been buying random little fall decorations - skeleton dogs and dragons - that balance Luke’s lov...

  One  Florida was amazing. It was a quick trip and went by in a blink, but we left wanting to go back and that’s the hallmark of a great trip to me. Lil Mama had never been to a place like Universal Studios before so it was wonderful seeing her explore how big it was and try out some rides - she loved the ones that told stories, big surprise ha ha! We spent a lot of time on the Harry Potter ones, the Simpsons, and the Spider-Man ride. We even enjoyed the hotel and she and I got cookies and milk as room service the night Luke went to see the haunted houses. It was the memory-filled weekend we needed. Two  the only real mistake we made came on day two. We had attempted to go on the new King Kong ride, but it had broke while we were on it, and we were stuck for almost an hour. Very overwhelming for me and put my little family in a bit of a grumpy mood. However, these things happen and they gave us magic passes that let us go to the front of the line even on rides that didn’...

Back in August, when Luke and I planned this long weekend away in Florida, we didn’t know how messy the last month would be. We’ve been used to drama and canceled plans, but our goal was to go make some memories with Lil Momma and have a break from the constant churn of sadness that’s been following us.  This was a surprise for LM, which gave us some grace when we almost canceled 2 weeks ago and again on Sunday. But, where I’ve landed (plane pun, haha) is where I’ve often found myself lately: 2 things can be true at once. We can be sad AND run away to Universal Studios. We can be navigating what’s next AND make some memories right now.  It all feels wild and adventurous - and I kind of love it. Here’s to a weekend away and finding some fun!   

Rollercoaster of a week (“ it’s time for long(?) term hospice ” <insert so many sad phone calls> “ wait – it’s possibly been a misdiagnosis for the last 10+ years; not time for hospice and go find all new doctors to figure this out even if it might not change anything ” <insert so many awkward phone calls>).    It’s been a lot of phone calls and a lot of feelings and now more phone calls and more feelings haha sigh…   I was going to try and incorporate some of my lessons from  Atomic Habits  into this month (I even bought a habit tracker and fun pens!) (FUN PENS!!), but that all feels like a bit much for the moments I’m in. SO, instead I have a few  small focuses for myself.      3 Things I’m Doing for Myself in October   Walks . I know, so simple. But it’s been hard the past few months to do formal work outs and it’s been even harder to just go for a walk every day and take some time to get out (and out of my head!)…. So,...

 Things have been quiet over here and may be quieter for a bit. As often happens with dementia mixed with other chronic conditions, my poor mom has gone downhill quite suddenly and I’m trying to navigate what’s next and Lil Momma (and work and life and the fall), with still some small hopes that she’ll bounce back a bit as she’s done countless times.  So, for this next chunk of time, I’m dedicating my writing brain space to small joys and hot takes on whatever I’m watching or listening to; a diary of distractions. 1  We’ve started the British show Taskmaster over from the beginning. British comedians, inane challenges, sarcastic hosts - the perfect way to get me out of my head for a bit. We’ve even met Lil Momma watch here and there and it’s amazing to watch her dissolve into giggles (and adds tension as we hope some of the naughtier references go over her head)! 2. This life moment coincides with my busiest two week period at work; all presentations to large groups, en...

  Lil Momma turned 10 at the end of August and it was a wild whirlwind of weather and a party! One  I was honestly dreading the party even before the weather turned against me. LM had asked for  a party in 3 parts: crafts, cake, and firepit/dance party with s’mores . She also very much wanted to fill up the invite list with 10 friends ( because she was turning 10)  and many of them had not been to our house before which means their moms had not been to our house before and it all was just SO MUCH for my brain to handle.    Two  LM and I had a prep day where we went adventuring to find supplies for the crafts, decorations, and cake embellishments. We landed on making  beaded bracelets  ( which were easy to prep as there where kits and extra beads to pick from ) and these  canvas stars  which we bought letter stickers for so the girls could color around the sticker of their first initial and then peel it off ( it sounded like a thing!...

  All the Light We Cannot See   Anthony Doerr, 2017 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ I waited 33 weeks for this book on the library hold list after loving the complexity of  Cloud Cuckoo Land , the first book I read this calendar year. It floored me and I could do nothing but read it until I read it so fast I had regrets about not savoring it more.  But when I finally got its predecessor in early August, it just sat. I couldn’t bear to start it. With so many sad moments that last handful of years, I haven’t had it in me to read or watch sad things; when I realized this was a World War II novel, I froze. I had rushed the hold without reading anything about the book (although I’m sure I read    raves from blog friends when they read it) and all  those months of waiting became weeks of a standoff  - and an overdue book!! <gasp> - while life lifed and I tried to find the mental curiosity to just start reading it.  Ridiculous?  Possibly.  Overdramatic?...

  On   Fridays , I work from home. The only video-on call I had was with my direct reports and boss, so I threw on a t-shirt and leggings and made the most minimal effort on controlling the curls – this was the morning after my tie-dye adventure, after all! Now, this is a casual, team catchup/all call, but everyone kept pausing after they said anything to ask me if I was ok…. I got more and more uncomfortable until I blurted out “ why is everyone being weird?!?!? ” Turns out, the t-shirt I grabbed had a picture of a marshmallow on fire walking with a smile; above the picture, it said, “ BURNT OUT ” and below it   continued   “ BUT OPTIMISTIC ” – however;   only the top showed   on the Teams screen and everyone thought is was a cry for help, haha! I took it as a sign from the universe and ran away after that meeting to get a fancy coffee and my library holds….   Saturday , Lil Momma had the busiest day. Luke had to step in to run a softball tournament f...

  “ No weeks off ” as a camp strategy for Lil Momma kind of blew up in our faces. We had a problem at one of the camps 2 weeks ago and then had to go back this week and had another issue. It’s been a bit of a bummer for my girl. Then, I made a   classic parenting mistake … Let me set the scene: I don’t want to send chills of despair through anyone who has been through this, but it was  THEME WEEK.   My feelings on having the final week of this specific camp require a different outfit for each individual day will be reserved for a later post when this season of life is over…   My mom crew and I found out about THEME WEEK the weekend before it began and divided and conquered; Monday was  Barbie  and we all had a pink shirt, Tuesday was  Disney  and someone found cheap Disney shirts for those of us who aren’t Disney families, Wednesday was  Luau  and we had leis from a Trunk or Treat last year, Thursday was  Color Wars  so to...