not necessarily in this order

It’s hard to write when the world is on fire. My heart and my head are so heavy. Besides the general * gestures at everything *, January has been a month of churn and change here. So, I thought I’d share a new path I’m wandering down and then regroup and reframe for February. (I saw some FIGgy news headed that way…) So, what’s changing? Who’s changing? School started (for me) What’s that? It both feels so random and so right. As work became more and more uncertain and taxing and miserable last year, I started doing some thinking about my future. I’m almost 50, my child will be graduating in 5 years, and I’m in a moment of figuring out who I am outside of my job and caretaking and being injured…  I seem to be right in the right place to navigate a personal pivot, a third act with agency and purpose.  When I was a child, I wanted to be a librarian. The safety and possibilities of our small town library helped build me into the reader and the mom and the human that I am. When I ...

 It’s one of those transitional years for me: Lil Momma turns 13 this summer, my work has drastically changed and I’m no longer seeing staying as a given, and I’m building back from these injuries and stress and sadness. This list is more to keep my head in the game (some new games, actually) and to remember to be present in these moments - and maybe even have some fun. Who knows? Stranger things have happened… I’ll elaborate more when I check in about them here and there, but there’s the whole list as a start. 1 do my PT exercises multiple times a week 2 clean my office and set up my desk 3 give myself time to enjoy school 4 send 12 cards 5 do my own estate planning  6 that vacation I owe LM  7 take a long walk in the woods 8 read 100 books 9 go see a movie 10 hang pictures  12 listen to more music  13 eat dinner at the table  14 bake 10 loaves of bread 15 see people more 16 take a solo trip  17 dip my toes in the ocean  18 play more board games ...

In 6 weeks or so (50 days when I wrote this), I’ll be having surgery on my right ankle and foot that’s both a long time coming and, at the same time, kind of a disaster. Random pic of wild cat wrapping paper I found cleaning out my aunt’s house that really feels like my current vibe (and reminds me of Stephany !) For the friends of Dr. Google (or with medical knowledge haha), I’m having a lateral ligament reconstruction, LDCO, and dorsiflexion 1st metatarsal osteotomy. For those who like to protect their peace (#goals), basically they’re going to tighten/clean up the ligaments on the outside of my ankle. At the same time, to address my overly high arch and standing on my foot incorrectly, they’re going to adjust my heel bone to the outside to improve alignment.  It’s a lot. It’s not driving for 8+ weeks. It’s being non-weight bearing for at least 6 weeks. It’s learning how to walk again. It’s 6 months of recovery.  It’s also the rest of my life. It’s better balance and mobilit...

  I have been hurt since last April.     That seems wild to me, but it’s true. I’ve been mildly-sore-but-am-I-being-dramatic hurt and oh-no-this-can’t-be-right-hurt and am-I-doing-the-PT-wrong hurt and why-is-this-still-the-same-uncomfortable hurt and oh so many others. When Crocs are the only shoes your swollen foot fits into    Between the arch and the ankle, not being able to go for long walks or ride a bike, driving making my whole foot swell, etc., I’ve tried to keep my head in the space of how  this is just a season  and  one of these solutions we’re throwing at it will fix it . But I’ve also been in the space of wondering if this is all in my head or if this is just how the rest of my life will be.   Dramatic much, Lindsay? Yikes.   After doing 8 weeks of PT this go around and still having a heavily swollen ankle (and now foot, sigh), I saw the orthopedic doctor earlier this week. We talked about how I did dry needling and cupping...

What a month, oof. Between PT not progressing as fast as I’d like, the Mr dealing with some medical meh (but on the mend!), Lil Momma’s tween angst and schedule and sass, work being work, and trying to clean out a house 90 minutes away from my house, these goals may not have been top of mind (or on my mind) as much as I would’ve  hoped… However, January is always a month I kind of plod through so I’m proud of my plodding and am ready for a fresh February start!  1 go on a family vacation somewhere new   -Plans are in the works! 2 get through estate planning  3 redo my office 4 read 100 books  -I’m at 5/100 5 enter 3 writing competitions  6 reach out to 3 friends I haven’t lately 7 hang pictures on our walls  8 stretch most days  -I’m probably at 2x a week  9 cut phone screen time by 50%  -I’m down 30% 10 ride 800 miles (bike, spin, doesn’t matter)  -I’m at 14.6/800 11 bake 5 new recipes 12 monthly dates with the Mr  -We finally...

  To recap my 9+ months of injury: last April/May I severely strained my posterior tendon (the tendons that support your foot and arch and help with balance) going too aggressive on a beginner running program. I did some time in a walking boot and then 12 weeks of PT where I learned I stand on my feet wrong and that my other arch had completely fallen. Sometime during those 12 weeks, we believe my peroneal tendon (the tendon that run on the outside of your ankle and leg) tore and then reattached incorrectly as my foot learned how to stand in the right position. I had an x-ray and an MRI and got sent back to PT.   I’ve been in PT for my peroneal tendonitis for 5 weeks now. I am deeply committed to doing the work and figuring this out and truly believe all of this will serve me with my focus on mobility and balance and being as healthy and mobile as I can as I age…   …and, I am a mix of frustration and wondering if this is all in my head. SIGH.   I miss going on walks....