on feedback and feelings

 What a rollercoaster of a week. It’s sometimes hard to share about Lil Momma’s big life; her privacy is always the priority. However, we went through a weird parenting and social experience that I think I can explore a little without breaking the trust I have with my girl.

 

Getting a “lead” in her musical theater class’s recital show has been a goal for LM since she started lessons 5 years ago. She’s seen her elementary school classmates who also go to this school excel; lead roles, asked to be on the competition team, etc.; and it’s been a lot of long conversations for us about opportunities and timing and growth and proving herself and, on the other side, how “fair” is a social construct and we don’t control some of these things and how there will be other opportunities to perform there and other places in the future. She has a whole life ahead of her and also has a very fulfilling set of dance classes and competition teams at a different studio, too.

 

So, when LM got the co-lead for this spring’s show, we were super excited, but I also had a niggle of worry because it was a BIG role. She has the most lines in the show and they are DENSE. Plus 3 nights of dance a week. Plus that March show she did. Plus dance comp May. But, she said she was doing well on lines and enjoying her classes, so I let it go. I offered once a week to help her (which she took me up on a few times); otherwise I gave her space to experience this experience and learn what a main character takes to do it well.

 

Last week was the final night of class at the studio; this week’s class was dress rehearsal at the theater they perform in and the one-chance-to-do-the-thing show is this weekend. Last Wednesday, I rushed home from my in-office day and got her in her costume and did her hair and wished her luck. The Mr. drove her to the studio and then went back to get her a few hours later. I was reading when I got a text from him warning me she was “quite upset”; but, my kid is dramatic so that could be anything from a stubbed toe to a tragedy.

 

When they got home, she was choking from sobbing so hard. It literally took me over an hour to calm her down. From what I could understand between her and the Mr. was that her teacher wasn’t there so the woman who runs the studio did their rehearsal. Note, I went to this place as a child and have known this woman my entire life. LM got nervous because it’s this woman who makes the competition team decisions and LM really looks up to her; she got thrown off on her really-fast-and-really-hard-to-sing solo song and then started blanking on the last 3 scenes of the show. It was like a snowball. As all the kids were leaving with their parents, the studio owner told each of them that they did a great job, but then put her hands on LM’s shoulders and told her she had to do better or her scenes would be cut. The Mr. was a little shocked and said she knew the lines and the studio owner said, “not tonight.” LM crumbled in the lobby and then it spiraled until she got home.

 

This is where I feel like a jerk parent, though. I don’t agree with LM getting this feedback in front of others, nor when other parents at dress rehearsal told me that LM’s performance was picked apart for entire rehearsal to the point the other kids were defending her to their parents because we all know she know her lines – it hurts my heart BIG TIME and I feel so awful I wasn’t there and didn’t know… 

 

But I also know LM and I then took the entire day Sunday to deep dive the lines and the role because she wasn’t fully solid on some parts – AND SHE IS NOW. She did the work and went back to dress rehearsal last night and KILLED IT. The director of her spring show barely recognized her; she was a force of nature. She even said to me on the ride home that she knows what she needs to do from day 1 now.

 

So, I feel gross. I talked to the studio owner who stands by her notes and, hey – they worked! But my girl is also only 10 (well, almost 11) (oof, my heart) and I don’t love her being belittled in front of people or not supported when she makes mistakes. It’s ok to make mistakes! If she wasn’t so scared, maybe she would have been able to rally during that “bad” rehearsal. And, I know theatre can be rough and my girl can be delicate and hasn’t been exposed to a lot of “notes” or criticism and maybe it’s time? I don’t know. 

 

In the end, this is just one of those parenting moments I have to just get her and I through. I am sure she will do so well at the show on Saturday and this uncomfortable moment will fade. But, I’ve spent the week with my head spinning and my heart aching, feelings I know many of us have gone through.

 

Here’s to the show going on and getting through that and the last day of school on Monday and dance recital next weekend! What a week, oof.