thoughts on motivation and Bluey
the relief of putting your own mask on first
As I've alluded to, I've spent the last few years taking care of my mom as she's navigated a lot of medical challenges. Being an only child caretaker on top of mom, partner, worker, and person is a lot. I feel like I spent much of the last two years frantically driving between my mom's house, the hospital, and one of Lil Momma's many activities having not eaten and without sufficient coffee and always feeling like I was watching one of the plates I was holding up crash down.
When she would get sick, my little family would be thrown into chaos. I'd be back and forth to the hospital so my guy couldn't food shop; it would be desperation dinners for weeks. I'd live in a constant state of hanger and germaphobia. The only walks I took were from the terrifying ON THE STREET parking spot* 2 roads down from the hospital. And repeat every 6 weeks.
Her moving into assisted living has alleviated so much of all this and we are learning to live outside of react mode. But, the lesson I really should have sat with is that I need to take care of MY OWN NEEDS so I can take care of others; you really can't pour from an empty cup.**
So, when my poor mom ended up in the hospital this weekend, my muscle memory reaction was to just run and let the pieces fall where they may. But, then I stopped and realized that there was time to make better choices. Visiting hours didn't start until after lunch, there was nothing I could do until then. We planned meals for the week and my guy went food shopping and I spent the morning trying to chill out LM, taking a walk, and packing myself snacks to take on my afternoon. Then, I went and did what needed to be done (i.e. sit with my mom and support her very well-deserved pity party because luckily she was already feeling better when I got there) while having taken care of myself, which is so simple but so huge.
One of the reasons this all feels so momentous is that my realizations had background music. When everything went down and I had that moment where I could stop and think or throw everything into chaos, Lil Momma was watching Bluey*** in the other room. When I got off the phone and decided to pause and plan and not throw our lives into the wind, the episode moved to a motivational background tune that sounded oddly like Mr. Blue Sky, the ELO song I use to psych myself up for presentations I don't want to give and play date small talk. It really felt like the universe was high fiving my thoughts, which is a lovely validation, don't you think?
More to come later this week on team turtle COVID comebacks and recent reads, watches, and listens! Happy Monday!
*I hate parking. It's literally the worst. But, nothing is worse than on the street parking and I will actively not go to events and activities that don't have parking lots.
**Plates crashing down, empty cups, balls dropped, the captain goes down with the ship - oof, so cliché, Lindsay!
***Bluey is an Australian cartoon that has a very addictive and accurate look at family life with young kids. It is one of the cartoons that we, as the adults in the house, do not find grating. It is one of LM's comfort shows that she goes back to. The theme song is haunting my head as I type this. Earworm mayday....
Oh, I get this! The last couple years of my Dad's life, he was in and out of the hospital CONSTANTLY. I was the only family member closeby, and it was absolutely draining to take care of him (my daughter was a toddler at the time.) Assisted living helped, but then he would still be back to the hospital periodically. So, it sounds like you've found a good balance with all of it. I know- it's hard. I hope your mom feels better soon!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Jenny! It’s been such a road (and still is, to be honest). I’m so lucky to have a good circle of folks around me, but being an only child caretaker is not for the weak!
DeleteEveryone talks about how great Bluey is. I really should check it out.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're going through the wringer with your mom's health. I hope she does well in assisted living and you can continue to breathe easier and that this health crisis is merely a blip.
Bluey is weirdly addictive as an adult. I found the Duck Tales remake equally as compelling, haha! Thank you for the kind words!
DeleteTalk about the Sandwich Generation - you are living it! I can totally get how you would have to get from react-mode to just regular-kind-of-mode. That's tough and you have all my sympathy. My parents are still healthy but I know that time is not on my side; I am not an only child but I am the only daughter and I think that is something significant, if you know what I mean.
ReplyDeleteOh, I know what you mean! And, thank you! It’s such a specific experience to take care of my child and my mom (and, hopefully, myself); age is such a trip.
DeleteI wish I could make you a cup of coffee and give you a long hug.
ReplyDeleteThis is all so hard and I am so sorry - you are caught in the middle of two very difficult sets of major responsibilities; it's impossible to show up in all the different emotional and geographic locations and NOT get exhausted and run down. Finding ways to alleviate pressures and to reframe situations is so important and it sounds like you're doing an incredible job.
I'm glad your mom is doing better and hope she'll be able to return to her assisted living arrangement soon.
I have never seen Bluey but hear about it everywhere! I will report back...
Oh, you got me in the feels. Thank you so much. It’s been a rough few years - but, I know it will get better (or I will get better at rolling with it). I have to say, the pictures from your trip have been such a source of joy this week! I’m learning Italian and it was so lovely to see it and experience it through your posts.
DeleteAww. I'm so glad. Sadly I didn't learn any Italian before we went - but it seems like such a beautiful language!
DeleteThis sounds so hard. I am so glad that you were able to take a beat and breathe for a second before you had to dive into this medical situation. I hope your Mom is doing much better.
ReplyDeleteBluey is wonderful. I always wish I could parent as well as the parents on Bluey do.
Thank you so much! And, I, too, wish I could be as good of a parent as those on Bluey. Even when they make mistakes, they learn from it and turn it around so fast!
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