not necessarily in this order

Here’s the thing : You do a challenge in a wildly busy month where you plan to cut your screentime ( aka your doomscrolling distraction ) by a significant amount because you spend a significant amount of time on your smartphone.   What you expected :  For it to be  hard , of course. Distraction habits run deep and there’s a reason it’s so engrained in your life.  But, also for it to be  funny . I mean, it’s JUST A SCREEN. It’s almost farcical that a screen eats up so much time when there’s so much to be done. There has to be comedy in this – slapping my own hand when I reach for my phone, tossing it across the room when I realize I’m scrolling, meeting up in real life with long lost friends I’ve only been in a like/double tap/random comment status with for years… Insert a wild montage of you getting all-the-things done with all this free time that you found…   Here’s what really happened :  You figure out  you use your phone when you’re nervous ...

  We are in the thick of it : pollen and histaminic reactions, recital season, spring softball regrets ( we were too busy before multiple softball events a week, sigh ), and all the end of school stuff ( field trips! a 10 minute show! field day! all during the workday?!?!? )… Over the weekend, we went from softball pictures ( in uniform ) to a dance competition an hour away ( hair and makeup and awards and master class and oh did we pack snacks?! ).   Here are  15 mental snippets  from this day in our lives: 1- Why am I stressed if we haven’t done anything yet 2- Lil Momma’s commitment to the founding father style ponytail (thanks,  Hamilton ) may play in my favor with the low bun we need for dance 3- and she did a high pony. It’s fine. I just need to make sure she looks in the camera (vs. her school pictures where she’s staring at the ground, sigh) 4- why is the team picture taking so long?!?  5- this dancer’s bun won’t be like the last dancer’s bun w...

The pollen knocked me out.  The pollen won . No mix of medicine or magical thinking could keep me breathing normal, not with softball 3 nights this week next to the woods and new deck furniture to “enjoy” with its dusting of green ick. But the accompanying sinus infection sure dragged me down. Such bad timing as we’re well into the wild recital /competition / Lil Momma’s packed calendar season, but I’m trying to rally ( this family is being held up by my one coffee a day and eight billion reminders I have across multiple media all over our house haha )! My screen-time experiment has been wild . I’ve felt lonely, I’ve felt overwhelmed, I’ve felt like I obviously reach for my phone when I’m bored or avoiding things… But, I also use the camera on my phone for so much ( part of my aphantasia ), as well as the notes for bits of ideas and reminders, texts to keep connected and mom-group meme it up… Hopefully, the second half of the month helps me use my time in the way I want.  My n...

In August, I’m supposed to this   very-intimidating-to-me day-long hike   with a couple of friends. Not only am I trying to overprepare for the hike, apparently, I am trying to overthink my way through it, too, SIGH. The hike is in New Hampshire’s White Mountains; it’s called the   Franconia Ridge Loop   and includes 3 summits over 8.1 miles, as well as a ridiculous amount of terrifying-to-me All Trails reviews. It would be the longest anything I’ve done in my life.     On any given day, my concerns range from: -The friends I’m going with are from my decade doing a Crossfit-ish like women’s bootcamp. They are two of my loveliest and closest friends, but also were the ones intimidatingly strong and fit and fast in class. The last time we hiked a mountain (6 years ago), they were over an hour ahead of me.  WHAT IF I CAN’T KEEP UP?!?! -5 or 6 years ago when we were doing these yearly NH hikes, I had this weird thing where  I was absolutely miserable ...

 I  often find myself landing on the refrain  “… but, I have no time !”  We are in a season where everything feels rushed ( LM has 5+ afterschool activities and 7 recitals over the next 8 weekends,  work is in peak period ridiculousness, my garden and the yard and the house….)   – BUT, I also see myself distracting myself from everything with   my stupid smartphone .   Having been through a tumultuous handful of years, I am all for getting through the worser times with the coping skills that cause the least harm; however, doomscrolling has become baked into my day to day and contributes to this rushed and desperate state I often find myself in.   As someone who walks through their life with anxiety, the  constant scroll  of social media, newsletters, and articles just feeds into the pace at which  my thoughts swirl . It’s also impacted my attention span: I don’t just doomscroll –  I watch tv AND doomscroll  (and have ...